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The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation, by Melody Beattie
Free PDF The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation, by Melody Beattie
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In Codependent No More, Melody Beattie introduced the world to the term codependency. Now a modern classic, this book established Beattie as a pioneer in self-help literature and endeared her to millions of readers who longed for healthier relationships. Twenty-five years later concepts such as self-care and setting boundaries have become entrenched in mainstream culture. Now Beattie has written a followup volume, The New Codependency, which clears up misconceptions about codependency, identifies how codependent behavior has changed, and provides a new generation with a road map to wellness.
The question remains: What is and what is not codependency? Beattie here reminds us that much of codependency is normal behavior. It's about crossing lines. There are times we do too much, care too much, feel too little, or overly engage. Feeling resentment after giving is not the same as heartfelt generosity. Narcissism and self-love, enabling and nurturing, and controlling and setting boundaries are not interchangeable terms. In The New Codependency, Beattie explores these differences, effectively invoking her own inspiring story and those of others, to empower us to step out of the victim role forever. Codependency, she shows, is not an illness but rather a series of behaviors that once broken down and analyzed can be successfully combated.
Each section offers an overview of and a series of activities pertaining to a particular behavior -- caretaking, controlling, manipulation, denial, repression, etc. -- enabling us to personalize our own step-bystep guide to wellness. These sections, in conjunction with a series of tests allowing us to assess the level of our codependent behavior, demonstrate that while it may not seem possible now, we have the power to take care of ourselves, no matter what we are experiencing.
Punctuated with Beattie's renowned candor and intuitive wisdom, The New Codependency is an owner's manual to learning to be who we are and gives us the tools necessary to reclaim our lives by renouncing unhealthy practices.
- Sales Rank: #44352 in eBooks
- Published on: 2008-12-30
- Released on: 2008-12-30
- Format: Kindle eBook
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"'Codependent' is in the dictionary because of Melody Beattie. Her book is required reading." -- Christine Stapleton, Palm Beach Post
Review
"'Codependent' is in the dictionary because of Melody Beattie. Her book is required reading." -- Christine Stapleton, Palm Beach Post
Review
"'Codependent' is in the dictionary because of Melody Beattie. Her book is required reading." -- Christine Stapleton, Palm Beach Post
Most helpful customer reviews
236 of 242 people found the following review helpful.
Great addition to the topic
By Holly
"The New Codependency" is the newest addition to the volume of work published by Melody Beattie. She was one of the first to identify codependency as a problem and provide information on the subject to a large audience of readers. The first book she wrote, "Codependent No More", was originally published in 1987. This book does not replace that one, it just expands on the topic and adds additional insight to the problem of codependency.
If you are new to the subject and just getting familiar with it, I would definitely recommend you start with "Codependent No More". After you are further along in your journey, this book makes a lot of sense but I don't think it is the right place to start. It really builds upon the concepts presented in the first book and there is a subtlety to it that is best appreciated after having done some work in this area already.
As in all her books, I need to sit with a highlighter and use it freely. I also dog ear pages as I go for quick reference back when I need to review. I read it straight through and then went back and took some of the quizzes offered which was really helpful. After reading it once, it is definitely not going back on the book shelf. There are a lot of activities outlined to do to help the reader address and access issues he/she is dealing with. It is almost as if there is a workbook contained within its pages. I will continue to use it as a reference/workbook for many months to come, I am sure.
Anyone who has identified themselves as a codependent (or is dealing with a codependent) will benefit greatly from this book. She conveys her message is a loving, caring way versus a list of "shoulds" which is exactly what a codependent needs. A couple of my favorite passages:
"We're giving to get. We give to get people to need us because we don't feel loveable. Caretaking attaches people to us, creating dependent relationships."
"Another communication problem is draining energy or power from someone under the guise of "talking." People may act like they want to have a conversation with us, but many people with codependency issues use conversation as a way to get us to take care of them."
The two books truly are the gold standard on this topic.
108 of 114 people found the following review helpful.
A helpful update of ideas
By PJ
Presents a needed update on thinking regarding codependency. This book addressed many of the problems I've had with the concepts of "codependency" over the years. Activities and quizzes give reader a way to put ideas into action in their lives. Probably not for someone new to Melody Beattie's work or learning about codependency in general - start at the beginning with Codependent No More or the daily readers. A strong addition to Melody's library.
51 of 53 people found the following review helpful.
A new take on helpful ideas
By Lauren Bastaparis
I have always been a fan of Melody Beattie's work, and I have benefited enormously from it since the old days of Codependent No More. I have not been in a relationship with someone addicted, but I nevertheless recognized myself in the description of the Codependent. There were so many similarities: not being able to take care of myself, obsessing about other people, taking care of everyone's needs (apart from my own, that is), not having boundaries. I seemed to be a textbook codependent, except that I did not get involved with alcoholics. So I just went along with what she had to say and read several of her books.
The New Codependency is one of the best ones. It has all the usual qualities of her work:
*She uses an empowering tone: of course you can make it. And to be honest, when she describes her life of a former junkie, you cannot help thinking: well, if she managed to get out of this mess, Surely I can get out of mine.
*Her book is packed with examples. The fact of the matter is, I can see problems and solutions so much more easily when I read about someone else. Examples allow me to do that.
*There is a lot of practical, down to earth advice. I cannot count the number of books I've read which describe my dreadful problems, but then leave me there with a vague "well I guess you need therapy" chapter. I hate it. Don't talk to me about my issues if you are not able to offer one hint of advice on how to solve them.
In The New Codependency, Melody Beattie tackles important concepts she wrote about before (boundaries, taking care of oneself, deprivation, control...), but with a higher level of maturity . Because she does not go back to the basics, I would advise not to read this book without reading first her earlier work. If you have, then it provides additional hindsight and a wiser point of view.
There are also new ideas. She insists to de-stigmatize codependency, explaining that it is just "normal behaviours, plus", that it is just a stage of grief - and I must say I find this new idea really interesting. There is a chapter about nurturing that I liked - she did not write about it earlier because she did not know what it was. And there is a whole section about emotions that I found really useful - I am one of these folks who have difficulties simply feeling.
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